When Detours Become Destinations

This last year of my life was not one I thought I'd be thankful for. Ever. At the start of it I was unhealthy, unhappy, and uninspired. I had very little energy, and I spent all of it muddling through the work day, hoping that the next day would be better.

But it never was. How could someone be this tired? All the time? How had I gone from a former "workaholic" to someone who wished to stay in bed all day?

In March, depressed and fed up, I quit blogging on Xanga (something I never thought I'd do). It seemed everything gave me stress or anxiety anyway, so what did it matter? I knew something had to be done. I was floundering, and I had a strong sense that if I didn't change my life, my life was going to be over.

I made some dietary changes and eased into a regular exercise routine, but was deflated when my efforts over the course of several months produced no weight loss whatsoever. How could that be normal? Coupled with the constant tiredness, I just knew that something was very wrong.

By July, I could hardly function. Things just kept getting worse. I was still going to work, but that was it. I had bouts with coma-like fatigue that truly freaked me out. Mentally I would come awake, but could not make my body get up. 

Honestly, I feared that I was dying of some unknown disease. I was so tired, though, that part of me didn't even care. At least I would be guaranteed plenty of sleep in the grave.

In September, I started seeing a different natural health doctor, and finally got my answer: adrenal fatigue syndrome. In essence, my adrenal glands had crashed. I was thrilled, because at least I wasn't actually dying and now had something to blame for all this exhaustion! Also, because my body had been worn down for so long, my immune system was in crisis. I went on an intensely restricted diet (basically specially cooked meats and limited varieties of vegetables) and took massive amounts of vitamin supplements for various different issues.

Once I built up enough energy, I started a daily exercise program again. I got on a regimented schedule and stuck to it, seven days a week. And I spent plenty of time journaling, praying, and contemplating...trying to work through anything that gave me additional stress (which was pretty much everything - adrenal glands regulate stress by producing cortisol, and mine weren't really doing that).

It's been nearly three years since this problem began, nine months since I recognized that this problem really wasn't going away, and three months since I began purposeful treatment. I am not entirely there yet, but I am drastically improved. I still struggle with fatigue, and still get more easily stressed than any normal human being should. But I am so much better than I was.

I'm still not entirely sure how it started, or ultimately, how it will be cured - but I am immensely grateful for the path that I have walked. Looking back, I might have wished that this never would have happened. For a 2009 do-over. I might have wished for a little more adventure than simply struggling to stay awake.

But instead, I embrace the year that was given me. I am grateful for my improving health and will never again take it for granted. And I thank the Lord that He is faithful when all looks hopeless.

This year has been a gift. It certainly has been wrought with countless frustrations, tears, fears, and dead ends. But. For there always is a but when it comes to "bad situations" placed in the hands of the One who knows all: I have become more of the person I have longed to be.

If it weren't for this fatigue, I wouldn't have met a part of myself that needed to develop. (Mainly, the part that realized one's health was far more important than Chinese food, high-fructose corn syrup, and being a couch-o-potamus.)

I started out the year wishing to get this "health detour" over with so I could resume normal life. But as it turns out, the detour is the destination I was seeking all along. A new normal.

And let me tell you, normal feels good.

• She is witty. Seriously, witty. I can't tell you how many times she's made me guffaw in the confines of my own quiet space. It's good to have a friend of such wit.
  
• She loves her friends and family fiercely, loyally and passionately. It's a beautiful thing to behold and even have the rare privilege of experiencing.
  
• She may not understand God's will or plan in her life, but she submits with humility and grace, something I feel often lacking in. I love her heart to seek God even when she's feeling angry, hurt and sad.
  
• She LOVES to read, bookstories and other nerdy excursions that absolutely make me not feel alone in the nerd-kingdom of bookland.
  
• She is, I'm convinced, a writer in the making. I'm quite sure that someday, you'll find a book on a shelf by our dear friend and enjoy it.
  
• She manages to share her heart, friendship and life over miles and email. I can't tell you how that blesses me. I know that at any moment I could txt her and say "when can I come visit?" and she'd help me plan said trip....Maybe I should...hmm...lol! :D