Questions

How do you know if someone loves you?
probably the hardest to answer. Love's defined in 1 Corinthians 13, easily described as sacrificial, so I'd say if someone is sacrificial, then that would be an easy demonstrator. But otherwise, if they love me enough to call me out on my bad habits, hold me when i cry and just over all know me well enough to utilize my love languages....it's pretty evident.

How can you tell?
I think there's a lot to be said for Love Languages, and if you speak someone's love language to them, they know.

Who loves you?
My family. My fellow serving Jesus Family. And some other people.

How do you decide who you will love?
Biblically, everyone. Personally, whomever God places in my path.

How do you show those people that you love them?
I learn their love languages and use it and beyond that, I leave myself behind to serve them in ways that create a safe, loving environment.

Who do you love?
Because it is in Love that we are most like Christ. Not infatuation, romantic love, but Agape, God-love to others.

What is love to you?
The things that point me to God's heart.

How do you know if someone is mad at you?
Intuition usually

What if someone who loves you is mad at you?
I would hope they'd talk to me about it.

How do you act if you are mad at someone?
I generally close up around them.

What if you are mad at someone you love?
Same thing, but usually talk about it at some point.

How do you handle that?
Talk it out. Communication.

Do you know how to forgive others?
Not nearly like I should, but I ask for help.

Do you know how to accept the forgiveness of others?
Yes.

What is the hardest part of being you?
Being me. ha!  Being passionate is wearying. Being damaged is impossible. Being humble is unattainable, but the core of what I most desire.

How do you deal with that hard part?
Stay on my knees

What could someone do to help you handle this?
Pray.

Who would you like to have helping you?
people who love me.

Who do you think is supposed to be helping you?
My Jesus family and real family.

Will you let anyone help you?
Really, only the people I trust.

What is your favorite thing about being you?
Being passionate about the things which I am passionate about.

What would like to change about you?
Sin.

How do you think you should go about that change?
Abiding in the Vine.

How would you like others to treat you, act towards you?
In a perfect world, with respect.

How can you change the ways other people treat you?
I've discovered that my reactions to people's behavior is allowing them control over you. No one deserves that, except Jesus.

What would you like to see happen now?
To not have to worry about the next bill payments.

Do you think that is possible?
Yes God is teaching me trust. Full out, reckless trust..

What if what you want is impossible?
It's not. Trusting God is never impossible.

Now what? What is the next step?
Ask for help from where my Help comes.

You've seen them. It's a common epidemic in modern American Christianity. You know the ones...

....Vanilla Trees.

He's the guy who's just Nice. Nothing wrong with him. But nothing interesting either. He's just there, existing. Stephen Sondheim captured it brilliantly in his Tony award winning musical, "Into the Woods" - a character sings "You're so nice. You're not good, you're not bad, you're just nice." That's what I think of when I encounter the Vanilla Tree. Just nice. I've heard so many men described to me as "nice." It's not a word I want used to describe the man God sets aside for me. (more on that later)

Why do I use the combination of the words vanilla and tree to describe these guys? Let me explain:

Women are affectionate beings for the most part. I am anyway. Physical touch is a massive portion of my love language. I love hugs. And Girlfriend, sister, and mama hugs are awesome. But sometimes, a girl needs a man to hug her, to remind her of the protection, strength and support of God in her life.

A few years ago, a friend and I were discussing the difference in hugs from men in our lives. There's the Brother - Bear Hug. This is the kind of hug I was just talking about - supportive and loving - not sexual, just loving - like a brother. Other than my own brothers and dad, I have two guys in my life who hug me like that. My friends, Kim & Betsy, both have husbands that hug me so thoroughly it's sometimes a little hard to breathe. HA! There's also the sparked hug - the one hug with the chemistry.... it's a guy you like, are attracted or just can't explain the chemistry... you know the hug. It's full of energy, tension....mystery...it's sparked.

And then....
There's the guy who hugs you but really, it's more you hugging him than him you. It's like hugging a tree. He's stiff, unwilling to give anything of himself in the exchange, and awkwardly puts his arms on your shoulders because he doesn't know what the heck he's doing. Or maybe He feels like if there's any heart in what he's doing, it'll require some attention from a woman or he'll have her thinking he's interested or whatever. I don't know. But it's like hugging a tree. In fact, I'd even posit that hugging a tree might be more beneficial. Trees have less issues.

The conversation with my buddy turned to these "Tree" guys who are just "nice"...and nothing more. We talked about how they walk around church and gain a reputation for being "nice guys"...but nothing more. Their sense of humor is bland and boring. They are listless, and have nothing in the way of conversation to offer. They barely talk of the exciting nature of their relationship with God. They stand around the crowd of friends with hands in their pockets with not much to say, or have the thrill of a kid's train ride at the fair.

In essence, these guys are spice-less. Plain Vanilla. There's nothing saucy about them, nothing daring or even exciting. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying I'm looking for the "bad boy"....but where's the Warrior, the Man of God - the Mighty Man of Valor that described David, Joshua, Jeroboam, Namaan? These weren't dudes who sat around were described as "nice." Do you catch my drift? These "Nice" guys don't talk about the exciting things that God's doing in their life, they don't don't demonstrate anything but flaccid and wan lives that aren't dangerous at all. There's no risk for them. They won't even risk their heart to ask out a girl. They stand by and watch as their friends get engaged, married, or even just date. There's nothing of spice to them. Vanilla.

Heck, I'm not even asking for Jalapeno type saucy....Cinnamon or Clove is good enough for me. But seriously, these guys are as emotionally giving as a tree, and have about as much flavor as a piece of cardboard. Now don't get me wrong. These "nice" guys are nice. They'll lend a helping hand if you ask, they'll even offer sweet platitudes for your bad days. Generally, however, that's all they do. And let me say, some women are content with vanilla and sweet platitudes. I, however, want more than Vanilla.

By more than Vanilla, the kind of guy that piques my interest isn't the one who regurgitates everything I say. He isn't the kind of guy that's described as "nice" by the ladies at church. He's the one that people describe as extraordinary, amazing, a man of character. Someone you hear the phrase "He's the kind of guy that I want my daughter to be with"... to describe. He's the kind of guy who has a sense of humor that doesn't amount to lame-o puns or laughing at potty humor.

He's not Vanilla - He's not boring and spice-less. He's more than just "Nice."
He's not a Tree - He's not willing to just stand by like a tree. He's more than just "Nice."


No Vanilla Trees. Just say No.

I know this comes slightly late, as it's after midnight so it's technically Friday, but I am still awake from a Thursday morning, so it's still Thursday to me. :D

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Today I'm Thankful for....

• ...Hoodies... They are my favorite fall attire. Since I've moved to Lynchburg, I've existed in a far more casual attire than what I wore in Texas. Maybe it was the environments I worked in down there, or just trying to not be do dressed down, but I live in a town filled to the brim with college students who tramp around the world in their pajama pants, so jeans and a hoodie and tee isn't so bad. Besides that, if a dude is going to love me, he'd darn well better get used to tshirts and hoodies. It's just me. But I love them. I have about six.
  
• ...journals... This week, my parents arrived and brought with them all my Texas stuff. In one box came my journals. The annals of my prayer conversations with God over the last 16 years of my life. I went back and read from 2003 until now throughout the day in snippets. I read through my blossoming relationship in 04, the sudden tearing down of all my hopes and dreams later the same year, the mourning, misguided prayers, the healing, and moving on. I read the creation of wounds created over being passed over for my girl-friends. I read about rejection. I read about love. I read about provision, joy, pain and all my baggage. Some of it is like reading a broken record, but it's also a testament to God's faithfulness. I'm thankful for those reminders.
  
• ...My Brother... This month He has shown me such strength, care and concern for my heart, my walk and just who I am. Having him in my life is a blessing that I cannot express enough gratitude for. I'm grateful for the man he is, because he is a Man. He is many of the things I hope God instills in the man He has for me. My brother is honest with me about who I am, never false about that. So I trust his assessment of my heart implicitly. He sees me at my worse and loves me, protects & encourages me still. He's a man who can correct you and you want to love him all the more for it. He's a man who will simply ask, "How was your day" and if it's a bad day, the tears will fall and you'll regurgitate the horrors of your day on him, and he is gracious to love on me. He's also the kind of guy who has a heart of generosity and hospitality. All things I love about it. Also, He's dad to the coolest 3-almost 4-year old I know. ;)
• ...Candles... I love to burn beautifully smelling candles round my house!! Nothing warms my heart like the smell of a pumpkin/spicy/fallish candle...or an incense-y or lavender-y one for my room! Such beautiful things. There's something about the smell, the presence of candles that soothes me. And having the Wood Wick Candle outlet store here, the sound of those....is like a nice fireplace glowing in the background. Love me some candles. Thankful for the opportunity to have a couple around me all the time. 
• ...my iPhone... Earlier this year, I splurged and bought an iPhone when I changed cell companies and bought a new phone. I'm not even going to lie. It's the best piece of technology ever. I love all the things that i can do with it. I love smart phones in general, with email and all kinds of other applications. But this thing, I could darn near push a button and it'd produce a 6 course meal. Whatever the case, it will give me a recipe for one. :D I do love the phone though. Simple enough to use and easy synching with my computer. The ease of use for this thing is ridiculously amazing. I'm grateful I got one when I did.
  
• ...dishwashers.... another thing my parents brought with them from Texas amongst my things were my dishes, that had been in storage. It was awesome to pull out all my stuff. Since all the dishes had been wrapped in newspaper and packing things, they needed to be washed. But thankfulness for my modern dishwasher overhwelmed me when I could put almost all the dishes in it and press "wash." -- now if there were just a button that magically put those dishes away. I kid! In all seriousness, dishwashers are amazing and I'm thankful for mine.
  
• ....the cool side of the pillow....Not gonna lie, I'm a pillow flipper. When I have trouble sleeping (frequent), I flip the pillow, move it, punch it, and just generally abuse my poor little pillow. Luckily for it, at least once a week, I fall into a deep sleep where i dont budge an inch and remember nothing about sleep. But I am thankful that when i'm restless, I can flip the pillow and get a cooler side for my weary face. :D
  
• ...football sundays & mondays...I love football. I do. It's fall and my favorite sport is here. Love it. I so enjoy the bashing, crashing violencce of the NFL. Often I'm disappointed in my teams of late, but there's still something deep in this Texas girls' heart that resonates strongly with the pigskin sport. I love watching with my brother and dad, and this month, I'll get a chance to do that a few times. That's exciting.
  
• ....many more, but for now, I go....just overall, thankful for another week. :D Now it's your turn. Be thankful this week.